Retail holiday display angers St. Pete woman

Angie Falange of St. Petersburg found herself triggered by a store’s display of themed merchandise this morning.

“Look at this! Halloween stuff everywhere! You gotta be kidding me”, she exclaimed from the candy aisle at the Circle K on 54th Avenue North. “Every year, they roll this crap out earlier and earlier. It’s ridiculous!”

She had stopped there to pick up a few last minute Thanksgiving dinner items and was frustrated to learn the 24-hour convenience store didn’t have what she was looking for. 

“Oh, you mean to tell me they don’t have any fully-cooked 16-pound turkeys with stuffing, fresh cranberry sauce and Hawaiian rolls on the Lord’s day of feasting itself but they have an entire aisle dedicated to a decadent, Satanic hobnob that’s almost a whole year from now?” she asked incredulously. “I blame the gays for this.”

“I told her we never have that stuff and we always have candy”, said Tony, the disinterested clerk stuck working a double on a holiday.

”See?!? That’s what I’m talking about”, said Falange.

“I guess I have no choice but to improvise my family’s dinner this year. Thanks a lot, homos”, she said as she stood in line to buy a carton of cigarettes.