Skip to content

Reusable Water Bottle Store Opens in Tampa

A new store that sells reusable water bottles exclusively, is opening in Tampa’s Hyde Park neighborhood.

“Our products are for all the thirsty ass bitches who need a new water bottle every couple of days because they lose the one they already have,” said Michaeleto Poliangus, owner of Bad Bitch Bottles. “We’re a very aggressive, in-your-face sort of brand, people seem to like that and it helps us charge more.”

Poliangus then took me on a tour of the store which was mostly empty except a single table with a tower of bottles in the middle.

“Because we are really exclusive with our designs, we can charge a lot of money to afford the rent in this neighborhood, which as you know, isn’t cheap,” Poliangus then took out a stack of cash and started smacking me in the face with it.

“You smell that, that’s the smell of money bitch,” said Poliangus. “Now get the fuck out of here, you’re scaring the hoes.”

The new water bottle store is now open to the public, but Poliangus assured me that they can sniff out when someone is broke and doesn’t belong in there.

Josh Santos

About Josh Santos

Writer and award-winning videographer and documentarian. Instagram: @HashtagSantos