Rick Scott handing out more ‘awards’
Following last week’s spectacularly successful presentation of the National Republican Senatorial Committee’s inaugural “Champion for Freedom” award by Senator Rick Scott to former President Donald Trump, Scott is now handing out more new, fake, made-up achievement tokens in an effort to make people not be mad at him.
“Okay, I resent your implications, you lousy media”, he said to me in an exclusive beratement. “First of all, this award is not new, fake or made-up. Secondly, every award is new, fake and made-up. Just like all non-Christian religious holidays. And all non-Christian religions.”
Scott was in Bradenton to present Manatee County officials and representatives of HRK Holdings, owners of the Piney Point phosphate plant with the inaugural “Florida Heroes of Great Innovations in Toxic Waste Displacement” award.
“Just something I whipped up in my shop with some stuff I had lying around”, said Scott, holding a plastic biohazard disposal bag that was leaking green fluid and seemed to be emitting a strange, high-pitched hissing noise.
Scott has become inspired to start handing out lots of new awards after all the positive feedback he’s been receiving following the award ceremony that took place at the Mar-a-Lago resort which went so well…
RICK SCOTT: Mr. Trump! Mr. Trump! Look Mr. Trump! I made this! I made it for you!
DONALD TRUMP: What is that? Is it a dish? It looks like a little dish. Can I eat out of it?
RICK SCOTT: You can, in theory. It will hold food in it. But you probably shouldn’t. I used a toxic lacquer.
DONALD TRUMP: That’s terrific, Ron. Just Terrific.
“And another thing I resent is how you guys are always implying that I’m somehow less-than-likable”, said Scott, continuing the beratement. “Like I have to make grand gestures just to be seen as a regular guy. Well, I am a regular guy, damn it!”
“People say I’m a lizard man and that’s obviously not true. Lizards don’t have ears and as you can plainly see, I have two of them”, he said as one of his ears fell off. “Fuck!”, he exclaimed as he picked it up, put it in his pocket and scurried away, slipping into a storm drain.
