Failing to heed a warning from Jamie Gooch of Troy, Texas, a family in West Tampa now has Rick Scott infesting their home.
“A worst case scenario is: you unleash hell on your kids and in your home,” said Ms. Gooch, referring to ‘Hocus Pocus 2,’ the sequel to the cult Disney favorite currently streaming on Disney+. “The whole movie is based on witches harvesting children for blood sacrifices.”
“I didn’t take her seriously and now we’re paying for it,” said Amanda Alvarez, a single mother of an infant son. “Now Rick Scott is in here and he won’t leave. Just great.”
Alvarez and her son were watching the movie when Scott appeared on the screen as a ghostly blue apparition.
“Hi there. I want to talk to you about how Joe Biden is ruining America,” he said. Before anyone could respond, Scott had crawled out of the television like that girl in ‘The Ring’.
“Hey, wow! This is a pretty nice place for a Mexican family,” he said before lurching unsteadily but determinedly toward the kitchen. “You got any Mexican food? I love Mexican food.”
As he began rummaging through the cabinets and the refrigerator, he said, “You know, it’s all Joe Biden’s fault that you’re a single mom with a bunch of kids and no man to help you raise them. If it wasn’t for his lax immigration policies, you wouldn’t even be here to leech off our system. So don’t feel too bad. Hey, Pop Tarts! Are these Mexican Pop Tarts? Like, do they have Jalapenos and shit in them?”
She replied to him that she was born and raised in Lutz, only had one child and that her husband was a firefighter who had been killed in an accident with a drunk driver, to which Scott responded by spinning around quickly, turning his face inside-out and emitting a high-pitched, unintelligible screeching noise.
“He’s been in here for almost a week and I can’t figure out how to make him leave. He just sits on the couch all day Tweeting and has eaten almost all of my canned goods,” she said. “He doesn’t even open them; he just gnaws right into them. His mouth starts bleeding and he laughs hysterically. It’s disgusting and disturbing.”
She said she may try streaming a couple of episodes of ‘She-Hulk: Attorney at Law’. “It features a strong, independent female lead, a woman of color. I’m sure he’ll hate it.”
Meanwhile, she says she’s learned her lesson. “You should at least pay attention when some batshit crazy loon in Texas rants about something. You don’t want to do anything that will accidentally attract that Rick Scott energy, believe me.”