Ron DeSantis Holds Funeral For Himself To See Who Shows Up

Governor Ron DeSantis, faked his own death last week, just to see who would show up to his funeral.

“It’s none of the people I really hoped for.” Grimaced DeSantis with a weak shrug.

“I was hoping like Mike Tyson, or someone else who was at Rick Scott’s wedding would come pay their respects. You know, someone cool!” DeSantis said.

500,000 showed up for DeSantis faux funeral, however he was not happy with the attendance.

“Sure there were lots of people, potentially more people in human history to ever attend someone’s funeral before, but you know, Snoop Dogg wasn’t there or anything.” DeSantis looked down and kicked his feet in the dirt.

“Trump showed up, but it was just to do 2 hours of impromptu stand up he was workshopping, and that really stole the show and people completely forgot who they were there to see.” DeSantis babbled.

At the end of the funeral Ron DeSantis opened the casket and stepped out to reveal he was indeed, not dead, to which the crowd shrieked in fear and ran for the hills, assuming some sort of witchcraft or dark magic had taken place.

“People thought I was a possessed demon or zombie when I came out of the casket instead of applauding like I had hoped, I think my fans believe too much in the otherworld to have thought logically and guessed I had just faked my death and was not actually brought back to life through mystery.” DeSantis explained thoughtfully, readjusting one of his contact lenses before sneezing and losing it into a sewer grate by the curb.

“I just hope people see me for who I am. A really great guy.” DeSantis said back, holding a fit of laughter.

“I will most definitely fake my death 8 to 10 more times this year, so look out for that, I’m really excited to see how those play out.” DeSantis finished, also ending the article.