St. Pete man becomes Ally to meet chicks

Danny Wolffer, a heterosexual, cisgender man from St. Petersburg has found himself deeply moved by Pride Month this year and as a result, is declaring that he is an Ally, a person who supports equal rights, gender equality, and LGBTQ social movements.

“Look, women love gay guys, right? Everybody knows that,” he said. “Well, look at me! Look at this t-shirt I’m wearing. It’s got rainbows and shit all over it. It doesn’t get more gay than that!”

Wolffer is making this commitment at a time when people who identify as LGBTQ+ are facing intense scrutiny, hostility and discrimination from certain groups, including elected officials who are producing legislation aimed at limiting or even revoking some civil liberties.

“I was born and raised here but I no longer feel safe living in the state of Florida. Things have been going backwards so drastically and rapidly that it’s genuinely frightening,” said Chet Higgins, a gay man from Clearwater. “So while I’ve never met this guy, I deeply appreciate his support and from other straight people like him.”

“Hey, if these guys can be gay for a month, I can be an ally for a month,” said Wolffer. “How bad can it possibly be?”

“I have two t-shirts like this,” he added.

Critics of social movements like Pride say that people only get involved because it’s fashionable to flaunt their views in order to make themselves look good in front of people they want to impress.

“I can’t speak for anyone else but as for me, this is not a case of virtue-signaling and I strongly resent that accusation,” said Wolfferson. “This is a sad and desperate effort to get laid.”

“I mean, look at this t-shirt. I’m basically a gay guy with a penis that works on women,” said Wolffer. “I’m helping gay people, women who want to get with me and it obviously helps me.”

“It’s a win-win-win situation!”