St. Pete woman calls cops on mating manatees

Heidi Mulmellon of St. Petersburg recently called 911 to report manatees mating at St. Pete Beach.

“A bunch of freaks flaunting their deviant, disgusting, alternative lifestyle in front of me and my children,” she said. “But the cops called it ‘nature’. What kind of sick world is this becoming?”

The Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office has issued an official statement via social media: “If you see this, don’t call us. They are more than fine. It’s mating season… We get calls all the time from citizens when they see this, believing the manatees are in distress. We can assure you they are more than fine. Manatees actually mate in herds like these and often they are near the shore. They mate all throughout the year but generally mating herds like these are seen in the summer.”

George Clifford, another beachgoer who witnessed the same thing Mulmellon did said, “Yeah, I can see how if you didn’t know better, it might look like they need help and somebody might want to help but I’ve learned that’s just how manatees get down.”

“The last thing I wanted to do is help them; I wanted them removed,” said Mulmellon. “I’m so tired of these blatant attempts to groom and indoctrinate impressionable kids.”

“Sure, they’re keeping to themselves and not harming anyone so it’s got nothing to do with me but that’s why I hate it,” she added. “What kind of person would I be if I didn’t try to eradicate things I don’t understand and can’t be bothered to educate myself about?”

“No child of mine will grow up to be a manatee.”