Strawberry Festival books act for people who hate music

The entertainment lineup for the 2024 Florida Strawberry Festival in Plant City was announced the other day, and in addition to performances from talented musicians representing a wide variety of genres, the Black Eyed Peas will be there.

“That’s the show I’m really looking forward to”, said Gritney Wickes of Seffner. “Because I have no taste and bad music really appeals to me on some guttural level.”

”Me too,” said her boyfriend Whit Grickner. “I have even lower standards than she does, if you can believe that. I mean, look at her.”

”This show is gonna suck!”

“I don’t think it’s a fair assessment to say they make bad music,” said local semiprofessional music critic Corey Donnigan, who has both a blog and a podcast. “They don’t actually make music; it’s all just banal lyrics rapped lazily over samples, which is kind of its own unique thing.”

“I’m definitely going to be there”, said Brandon’s Larry Crates. “I’m a huge Nickelback fan and it’ll be fun to watch a band that actually deserves to be shit on.”

The group, which consists of will.i.am and apl.de.ap who seem to believe that oddly placed punctuation is a good substitute for having an interesting personality as well as Taboo and pants-pissing National Anthem-butcherer Fergie, has had hits with terrible songs like ‘Let’s Get Retarded’ (later changed to ‘Let’s Get It Started’) and ‘My Humps’.

“It takes a very certain kind of skill to be able to make something that bland, yet still offensive”, said Donnigan. “Notice I didn’t say talent.”