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Tampa Bay residents psyched to hate new Rays ballpark

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The Tampa Bay Rays are expected to announce tomorrow that the team’s quest to find a new home to replace Tropicana Field has come to an end with a plan to build a stadium in St. Petersburg that will seat around 30,000 and cost over $1.2 billion and people are ready to start complaining about it right now.

“It’s gonna be in St. Pete?? Aww man! No, no, no no!”, said Rusty Rogers, who lives in St. Petersburg.

“This is so stupid; it belongs in Tampa and it always has,” said Guy Grover of Tampa. “Because St. Petersburg is still exactly the same as it has been since the 1980s.”

“With the terrible weather we have, it better have a roof on it, that’s all I can say,” said Tonya Grabheart of Tampa. “Wait, it does? Well, then how are we supposed to enjoy the glorious Florida weather if we’re stuck indoors?”

“Oh great. Another massive taxpayer-funded gift to a multi-billionaire,” said Danny Bejesus of Clearwater.

The team will “pay for half or more” of the cost, according to Rays owner Stuart Sternberg, with the city of St. Petersburg and Pinellas County paying for the rest.

“Oh great. Half or less of another massive taxpayer-funded gift to a multi-billionaire,” added Danny Bejesus.

“This is such a missed opportunity to further snarl the already nightmarish traffic between downtown Tampa and the airport,” said Cathy Rubeheimer of Tampa.

“Why didn’t Vinik buy the team and move it to Downtown Tampa? That’s what I don’t understand,” said George Albatross of Ybor City. “When we want something we don’t need, a rich guy is supposed to step up and pay for it, like the Outback Steakhouse guys or George Steinbrenner. You dropped the ball, Vinik.”

“Are they going to pay me a stipend to park and eat their food? Then I still can’t afford it,” said Steve Skwertz of Dunedin.

“The team has done so well again this year that it’s been really hard to find anything petty to complain about for a long time,” said Tom Hurlbutt of St. Petersburg. “I’m so pumped about this that I might paint my face and tailgate outside the press conference and really whine like a little bitch like we used to in the old days.”

Clark Brooks

About Clark Brooks

Senior Supreme Executive Premium Content Editor for Tampa News Force. Comedian, writer and ordained minister. Twitter: @ClarkBrooks | Instagram:@ClarkBrooks54