Tampa Chick-fil-A will be pilot for new Blood of Christ red velvet milkshake
Exciting news for Christian residents of Tampa Bay. Chick-fil-A announced today that a Tampa Chick-fil-A store will serve as a pilot for the introduction of its new Blood of Christ red velvet milkshake.
CEO Dan Cathy shared the news yesterday at a conference for the benefits of conversion therapy in New Port Richey, FL. “We wanted to roll out the program in Las Vegas Nevada but there was push back so we went for Tampa, FL. We basically just looked for the most strip clubs per capita,” He said.
I caught up with Mr. Cathy at a Chick-fil-A store in Brandon to get the details. “What brought about this idea for a blood of Christ milkshake?” I asked. “Well, we’ve been trying to find a way to really bring people closer to God with our food. We’ve wanted to do this for a long time and I figured if this pilot in Tampa is successful we can roll these out nationwide just in time for Easter.” Said Mr. Cathy.
“I know a lot of people who love red velvet, I think the shakes will be really popular with adults but I’m not sure kids will really be into them. Do you have a more kid friendly option you’ll be offering?”, I asked.
“We absolutely do! We will be stationing a few local priests in the bathrooms. Youngsters are in for a real religious experience”, he said as he giggled.
“Why the bathrooms?” I asked like an idiot. “You know why.” Mr. Cathy replied as he winked at me and fondled my breasts. I realize I should have been appalled by his actions but I haven’t had sex in three years and you take what you can get.
“Wow this milkshake is damn delicious,” I exclaimed. “Any chance this will get me into heaven?” I joked. “Not a fucking chance” Mr. Cathy replied as he went down on me in the parking lot.