Tampa comedian dies trying to write perfect topical joke
Tampa stand-up comedian Glenn “Glizzy” Werthers, best known for his persistent efforts to get everyone to call him “Glizzy”, was found dead in his apartment yesterday, the victim of an apparent, very specific form of writer’s block.
“We see this sometimes when writer’s block is really severe. The writer’s brain will literally explode,” said Hillsborough County Medical Examiner Hubert Brinn. “We also see it when a writer isn’t used to ever actually writing very much.”
“Yeah, he was looking for a new closer because he was supposed to shoot his next special this Saturday at McGoon’s Irish Pub and Billiards Den,” said Kevin Dargle, one of his five roommates, all of whom are comedians. “He had been doing comedy longer than the rest of us, for almost nine months, so it was time for him to do another one.”
“It’s a real shame. He had just gotten his fourth set of headshots, he had ordered t-shirts to sell at open mics and his podcast had just topped double digit subscribers,” he added. “The grind was really starting to pop off for him.”
He apparently was trying – and failing – to come up with one joke that encompassed a range of current events. A notebook filled with pages referencing porn, masturbation, smoking marijuana, AIDS, COVID and bitches was found near his dead body. It was open to a page with the following notes scrawled on it
- Spy balloon
- Eggs
- Classified documents
- Spy balloon made of classified documents full of eggs
- Spy balloon is an egg
- Spy balloon is a classified document
- Classified documents are about spy balloon eggs
- Eggs have classified documents about spy balloons inside
- I smoked too much weed and they wrote a classified document about spy balloon eggs
- I watched too much classified porn about weed spy balloons
- The spy balloon is full of COVID
- The spy balloon is full of AIDS
- I masturbated in a spy balloon
- The eggs are full of COVID
- Bitches eat eggs
“He was a real craftsman. I guess none of them were perfect enough for him but every one of those is gold,” said Dargle. “Think I could get that notebook?”
