Tampa Engineer Introduces Revolutionary New Invention
Tampa engineer Chad Dudison has invented a new smart device that he believes will change the world.
“Ladies and gentlemen of the media, it is my pleasure, my privilege, nay, MY HONOR to introduce to the world…”, he announced to people minding their own business and eating breakfast at Mom’s Place Diner on Dale Mabry earlier this morning. “…the world’s first Smart Grater®!”
He then triumphantly raised a cheese grater above his head and pivoted slowly in a circle so everyone could look at it and some people did.
“The Smart Grater® does all the tiresome work when it comes to grating cheese,” he said. “Aside, you know, from the actual grating motion you do with your arms and hands. But everything else!”
He then pointed to a small digital display window on the side of the device.
“The Smart Grater® tells you what kind of cheese you’re grating, how much your grating and calculates how much more cheese you need to grate,” he said. “Sure, you could probably get most of that info from the package the cheese came in that you presumably bought and paid for and a recipe. But is that efficient? No, it is not.”
He went on to point out that the device is WiFi and Bluetooth compatible for some reason as well as other features such as being waterproof to a depth of 30 leagues and that it is hack-resistant. It will also be able to track your cheese purchase history and access your bank accounts.
”The Smart Grater® will not only tell you when you are out of cheese, but also what kind of cheese you can afford,” he said.
“When not in use for 15 minutes, the Smart Grater® issues an ear-piercing alarm to let you know that you are not grating cheese. No more forgetting in the middle of grating cheese that you’re supposed to be grating cheese! After a couple of hours, it resets itself and displays the current time and temperature.”
He concluded the ersatz press event by announcing, “The culmination of this important invention is all the proof anyone needs to know that I have in fact not wasted the last four years of my life, especially my ex, Heather.”
