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Tampa man almost finishes bottle of salad dressing

Salad Dressing

Darryl Warpholz of Tampa has almost finished a bottle of salad dressing and doesn’t know what to do.

“I’ve never been in this situation before,” he said. “There’s still some in there but most people would say it’s empty.”

The dressing in question is Newman’s Own Poppy Seed.

“There isn’t enough to put on a salad but do I buy a whole other, new bottle of salad dressing?” he questioned. “At this point, I’m not sure I’m feeling poppy seed. I believe I’d rather have a nice vinaigrette. Does that mix with just a tiny little bit of poppy seed? I’m thinking: probably not.”

“This has never happened to me before. I always have several half-empty bottles of salad dressing that sit in my fridge for years and years until they’re obviously no good anymore and I don’t eat them.”

“Don’t get me wrong; It’s good. I like the Newman’s Own line. They do a lot of good work for charity, too. But I feel like I’m kind of stuck in a poppy seed loop and I don’t think I like that very much.” he added.

“I suppose I could just throw the bottle away and start fresh, but that seems kind of disrespectful,” he continued to agonize. “Can I really say I finished it if there’s any amount remaining inside? I don’t think so. That’s stolen salad valor.”

Overall, Warpholz leads an extremely easy existence, which is why this is the most difficult personal dilemma he’s ever faced.

“It’s a nightmare. It feels like an achievement and a failure.”

Clark Brooks

About Clark Brooks

Senior Supreme Executive Premium Content Editor for Tampa News Force. Comedian, writer and ordained minister. Twitter: @ClarkBrooks | Instagram:@ClarkBrooks54