Tampa Man Excited to Share How He Didn’t Spend His Weekend

Tomn (the N is silent) Knichols (that one is too), an office worker in Tampa, can’t wait to share all the activities he didn’t participate in this weekend with his co-workers today.

”They’re going to ask if I went to the Knight Parade and I’m going to throw my head back and laugh,” he said. “Ybor City? On a Saturday night? With a bigger bunch of drunk rubes than usual? Please. If I’m going to Ybor, it’s going to be a Monday afternoon, when nobody goes.”

He also expects to be asked about watching the Super Bowl.

”Ugh. Sportsball,” he said dismissively, rolling his eyes. “That’s for uncultured bumpkins and overexposed pop singers and the uncultured bumpkins who worship overexposed pop singers.”

When it was assumed he didn’t have Valentines Day plans because it’s such a mundane, bourgeois and predictable recognition of love and affection between people, he replied lonely-ly, “I don’t but that’s not why.”