Harold Kolber of Tampa was the victim of an unprovoked joy-shaming at a local restaurant earlier today.
Mr. Kolber was peacefully enjoying lunch by himself at the Wuhan Fook Chinese restaurant on Dale Mabry when the Hendersons, a boisterous family of seven came in, chattering excitedly.
They noisily dragged two tables together so they could all sit near one another, talking to and over themselves. They were perusing the menu when Steven “Steve” Henderson noticed Kolber.
“Hey there! Merry Christmas, neighbor!” he yelled.
Mr. Kolber looked over, smiled and replied, “Thank you. And Happy Holidays.”
Henderson grimaced and said, “Say, that doesn’t sound very festive! Don’t be a Scroogey Scrooge! Ha ha! Where’s your spirit?”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I’m just not really celebrating this year,” Kolber said.
“Wow, sounds like we have a real live Grincharino in our midst!” said Steve’s wife Cheryl laughing.
“No no, I’m not a Grinch. I don’t hate Christmas,” said Kolber. “It’s just that my children are all grown and live out of town now. Plus my wife Joanie passed away back in June and…”
“Oh Jesus! What a downer!” exclaimed Steve as Cheryl mimicked a crying face while making the sad trombone ‘Whomp-whomp’ sound.
At that point, their 7-year-old son Adam started crying.
“Look what you’ve done, you miserable prick,” yelled Steve’s father Benjamin at Kolber. “You’ve ruined Christmas! I should put my foot all the way up your ass, you lousy son of a bitch.”
Benjamin’s wife Suzanne said, “Honestly! Would it kill you to at least put on a tacky humorous sweater, you humbugger? Some people are so selfish!”
Throughout the entire exchange, Steve’s brother-in-law Pete and his wife Marcy glared at Kolber and shook their heads in disapproval.
Mortified, Kolber got up and left without finishing his shrimp-fried rice, which just happened to be Joanie’s favorite Chinese dish when she was alive, and immediately drove to the Mons Venus.