Tampa newlyweds life not the sexy 90s romcom they anticipated 

Chad and Chrissy Cleegle, who recently got married and moved into a $3350-per-month apartment in the Water Street district of downtown Tampa, are discovering that their new life together is less like a 1990’s era romantic comedy film starring Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan and more like a televised situation comedy starring some stand-up comedian and that woman who used to play a wife on some other sitcoms. 

“It’s definitely not what I thought it would be, that’s for sure,” said Chad. “For starters, we don’t have sex anymore. But beyond that: she snores! Really loud!! If anybody should snore, it should be me, not her!”

“Oh, he does,” rebutted Chrissy, smirking and rolling her eyes exaggeratedly with her arms folded across her chest. “Believe me.”

Chrissy is not without her own complaints about Chad.

“He’s always walking around in his underwear, leaving the fridge open, forgetting what income taxes are and watching sports on TV with his friends,” she said. “He never used to do any of that when we were dating and having sex on a regular basis. What has happened to us?”

“You happened to us. Or should I say your mother, who you’ve turned into,” answered Chad as he belched and grinned sheepishly at a camera that wasn’t there while Chrissy glared at him. 

In an effort to get their relationship back on track for the sake of the two sardonic pre-teen kids they suddenly have for some reason, the couple has decided to work on developing complementary catchphrases in lieu of seeking professional counseling.