Tampa pastor wants people to stop saying that it’s as hot as Hell

Raymond Wheelhouse, a pastor with the Holy Messenger of Gross Overstatement Church in Tampa, is troubled by some of the hyperbole people are using to express their dismay with what has been an exceptionally hot summer in the Tampa Bay region, specifically that it is at least as hot as, if not hotter than, Hell.

“Because it’s not! It’s just not!! Hell is much, MUCH hotter. And if you keep fooling around, you’re going to find out.”

“Look, the thing you need to understand is that God loves and treasures us all and when He goes to the trouble of creating a special place to torture you insignificant piss ants for all eternity, the last thing He wants is you talking shit about it by comparing it to Tampa,” he said.

He then opened a book and displayed a picture depicting souls being consumed by flames. “See? There’s you. That one is me. And this one, that’s, I don’t know, probably Jennifer Anniston.”

“The point is, do you see Raymond James Stadium or the Mons Venus or a round office building in this photo? No, you don’t! And that’s because Tampa is not Hell,” he said. “I mean, it isn’t Heaven but you get the gist.”

He went on to say his church will accept comparisons such as “hot as fuck” or “hot as balls” or in extreme cases, “hot as fuck balls”.