Tampa Voted Best Place for Wearable Devices

A recent survey has found that Tampa ranks number one in the nation for wearable technology such as Google Glass, Oculus and Fitbit.  

“I love keeping track of my health using my Fitbit,” said Larry Polimez, a tech bro who works in Downtown Tampa. “I was one of the early adopters of Google Glass and I still wear one to this day.”

Polimez then scanned my body using an X-ray vision app on his Google Glass.  

“I don’t mean to scare you, but I have to take you to the hospital immediately,” said Polimez. 

I refused to go with him because I don’t have health insurance and this job doesn’t pay enough to afford a plan.

“Look, Healthcare.gov began its enrollment period and you can get a plan for as low as $9 a month,” said Polimez.

I told him that it seemed like it was too much for what I would be paying. He then called an ambulance, and while I was trying to refuse to be taken, Polimez hit me in the back of the head with a rusty pipe. 

Several hours later, I found myself handcuffed to a hospital bed, Polimez was in the bed across from me. A doctor came in and told me the procedure was a success.

I looked down and saw that I had a scar on my stomach. 

“What did they do to me?” I whispered to myself.

“This was an emergency kidney transplant, Polimez has been searching for a donor for many years now and he was days away from dying,” said the Doctor. “Thanks to your forced donation, we were able to keep him alive until he finds his next donor.”

“I never agreed to this,” I yelled at the doctor. 

“That’s why I said forced.” He then had his nurse drug me.

I woke up in an alley in Downtown St Pete, dressed in a hospital gown grasping an envelope that contained $1,000 and a thank you card.

As part of a Black Friday deal, Best Buy has announced the largest price cuts of the season on wearable technology for the entire month of November.