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Target vandal Ethan Schmidt gets engaged at Ybor gay bar

Ethan Schmidt

Ethan Schmidt of Arizona, who made headlines recently for tearing down Gay Pride decorations and damaging merchandise in a Target store surprised his boyfriend with a marriage proposal at popular gay nightclub Bradley’s on 7th in Ybor City last night.

A video of Ethan Schmidt damaging a display surfaced online last week and shows him removing a rainbow-colored sign reading “#TakePride” and badgering shoppers and store employees while being escorted out by security.

“As is the case with many of us deeply-closeted, self-loathing, secretly gay men, I am a misunderstood and marginalized person,” said Ethan Schmidt. “I wasn’t trying to damage the sign; I was stealing it. I thought it would be cute to present it to Steve when I proposed.”

“Granted, stealing is wrong. I understand that. But the important thing is he said yes!” he explained. “Love makes you do crazy things, especially when you’re in love with a 6’4″ leather daddy like Steve, which I, Ethan Schmidt, am. Madly and deeply.”

“Honestly, I can’t say that I didn’t know what I was doing, though; provoking authority figures into disciplining me is kind of my thing. Don’t kink-shame me.”

Steve Adams of Tampa, Ethan Schmidt’s new fiancé, said, “Ethan Schmidt is so spontaneous and impetuous. That’s why I love him. For him to do that and fly all the way here to Tampa just shows you what kind of a guy Ethan Schmidt really is.”

“Also, just for the record, Ethan Schmidt is a total bottom. I know some people were probably wondering,” Steve said. “Although, all things considered, maybe not.”

The happy couple celebrated the occasion by dancing the night away at Bradley’s and later participating in all the perverted activities that homophobes think gay people do but are most likely urban legends, all at the insistence of Ethan Schmidt. A wedding date has not been scheduled yet but the couple is registered at Target for gifts.

Clark Brooks

About Clark Brooks

Senior Supreme Executive Premium Content Editor for Tampa News Force. Comedian, writer and ordained minister. Twitter: @ClarkBrooks | Instagram:@ClarkBrooks54