The Rock offers Vipers back to Tampa Bay

XFL League Owner Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, with the full, enthusiastic backing of the City of Las Vegas, Nevada, has offered the league’s team franchise known as the Vipers back to the Tampa Bay region where it originated in 2020.

“Here. You guys want this?” he queried. “You can have it.”

“Yes, absolutely. It’s yours if you want it. We won’t miss it, trust me. We’ll even rent a truck and deliver it to your doorstep. Coaches, players, uniforms. Everything,” said Las Vegas Mayor Carolyn Goodman. “Go Golden Knights!”

The Vegas Vipers finished 2-8 and in last place in the league’s South Division in the recently completed 2023 XFL season. Previously, the team went 1-4 in a COVID-truncated 2020 season, their only one in Tampa Bay, played at Raymond James Stadium in Tampa.

“Our league championship was just won by Arlington, a team with a losing regular season record of 4-6,” said The Rock in between shooting scenes from the 17th movie he will appear in this year. “I think that sort of establishes a baseline value for a team that has won three games over 1,169 days.”

Steve Barner, some random guy who happened to be walking by spoke on behalf of everyone in Tampa Bay and declined the offer, saying, “Nah, we’re good.”

“I mean, we’re not good,” he added. “But between the Bucs and USF, we already have plenty of mediocre-to-terrible football.”