Top Five Extra Features of the Trump Bible
Happy Easter everyone!
You all have probably heard that former president Donald Trump has started selling Bibles in his latest attempt to connect with the disposable income belonging to his base of supporters and raise capital via merchandise sales.
If so, you’re probably aware that the $59.99 Bible, which was first published in 2021, features an American flag and the words “God Bless the USA” printed on the cover. Inside, it has the words to “God Bless the USA” and the text of The Declaration of Independence, the Pledge of Allegiance and other historic American documents. Promotional material for the Bible shows the former president alongside country singer Lee Greenwood.
But there’s more! Much, much more!
COUPONS – Save 5%-15% on various Trump products like steaks, shoes, NFT trading cards and more. Up to $60, which basically makes the Bible free! Freedom may not be free but this Bible is!
A PROTRACTOR – For making lines and angles and graphs and shit, in inches, no woke-ass metric meters. 
RECIPES – For good, hearty stick-to-your-ribs cookin’, all written with small, easy to understand words so the woman who cooks your food can understand them.
AN INDEX – A handy reference to find where all the naughty words can be found – an idea that I would say he stole from me and my book “A Ridiculously Inconsistent Treasury” except I’m sure he didn’t read it.
STORMY DANIELS PHONE NUMBER – The one that’s currently valid, or at least was valid four years ago, because the president can get info like that
