You may have noticed that we have ads here on Tampa News Force. Not a huge surprise, all media platforms have some form of advertising. We love providing all this delicious content to you totally free of charge but we also gotta pay the ol’ billsy willsys!
Most of them are pretty bad though. They’re the same shoddy, sleazy ads you see on lots of web sites and that’s because they’re posted on behalf of shoddy, sleazy companies that don’t pay for more legitimate-looking, classy ads. Those companies, as well as the one that posts them here for us, probably wouldn’t like it if they knew I said that but it’s not like they can deny it. Also, it’s not like they’ll ever even read this. So, HA HA HA HA!
Personally, what I hate about these ads is the placement, which is often right between our headlines and our articles. That tends to ruin the whole vibe of the article. Ugh. Of course, if YOUR fine, upstanding company wanted to advertise with us, we could get rid of those to accommodate you. Just an FYI: our loyal readers are the kind of people who shop for legal services by looking at billboards and bus stop benches. Something to think about.
Anyway, with that in mind, here are the ten worst ads currently on display here at Tampa News Force.com…
10. ClassMates.com – Remember when the internet was brand new? I think this was the very first thing advertised. We all thought, “I can pay money to look up the people I went to high school with? Awesome! Maybe this whole WWW thing isn’t a complete waste of time!” Classmates.com is apparently still around for some reason, even though you can look up the people you went to high school with for free on almost every web site, including the porn ones (especially the porn ones).
9. Quizzes – Every time we post a quiz, these ads get thrown in and people think, “Is this the quiz that TNF wants me to take to determine if I’m woke or not?” No. No, it’s not. Please scroll down a little bit further. Stupid-ass quiz ad.
8. Newsready – Cool name. Very action-y. They’re ready! FOR NEWS! Sounds like a real news site. It’s not. Stay here. Our fake click-bait content is much funnier than theirs.
7. Obvious scams – Come on, you know you didn’t enter into any jackpot sweepstakes or whatever this is supposed to be. “But what if I did and I just forgot?” You know what? Yep, go ahead and click on this. You totally deserve whatever happens as a result.
6. Whatever the hell this is – Looks like there’s assembly required so I know I don’t want it.
5. Or this – What is it, a hotel? An assisted living facility? A home for sale? An Airbnb? Did I spell that right? It looks weird. Let me check Google… yeah, that’s right. Still looks weird though.
4. Yeah, and…? – That’s a picture of Tiffani Thiessen from the 1990’s. If I click it, I presume I’ll see what she looks like today. What exactly am I supposed to do with this info? If she’s ugly now, will she go out with me? I doubt she’s ugly and I doubt she’d go out with me regardless.
3. Obvious scam, slightly more seemingly legit edition – “Look! It says Target right on it and it’s red! Everybody knows Target is red!” You know what else is red? Clifford the big dog. Don’t be an oaf.
2. Again, no idea what this is – What’s that logo? Kind of looks like a brain in an Illuminati triangle. Am I supposed to get a brain appointment? To do what specifically about my brain? Verify that I have one? Is my brain in the Illuminati? Also, what is TMS? If it’s brain-related, shouldn’t there be a B in there somewhere? Maybe it stands for Too Much Soup. Maybe excessive soup consumption is bad for your Illuminati brain. I rarely eat soup, so I’m okay.
1. Aggressively confrontational clickbait – This is the 2021 version of the classic loaded question scenario, “Have you stopped beating your wife?” The only way to answer is not to click on it.