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What’s down there?

This is a storm drain in downtown Tampa. It’s a natural reaction to wonder what’s down there and it’s a natural reaction to think it’s either alligators or Pennywise, the scary clown from “It”.

Both of those are incorrect assumptions.

Alligators in a sewer are a New York City thing and an ancient, demonic, shape-shifting, trans-dimensional evil dancing clown is a fictional character invented by Stephen King for his novel “It.”

Neither of them are down there.

So what is? Let’s find out!

Pee – Specifically male pee. Because men pee outside all the time. Any chance we get, honestly. And a storm drain is just begging to be peed into. When it comes to peeing outside, it’s really the most civilized and reasonable thing you can do. Yep, you can bet there is a lot of pee down there.

Rats – Rats enjoy stuff like pee. They love it. Pee and feces and garbage are among their favorite things in the whole world. That being the case, it just makes sense that they would go to where the pee is. Down there.

A whole bunch of single shoes – Have you ever seen a single shoe by itself on the side of the road and wonder how the heck that could ever happen? A pair of shoes would be weird enough but how about one shoe and not two of them? With all due respect to anybody with only one foot, that doesn’t make any sense at all. Well, nobody knows how it ended up on the side of the road but it was part of a pair at some point but now its mate is down there, in the storm drain.

Sewer Monsters – Unlike ancient, shape-shifting, trans-dimensional evil dancing clowns, monsters are a real thing and they’re down there. Pennywise is not real, goddamnit. How many times do I have to tell you?

Some guy who helped build the sewer system a long time ago – His name was Bill and he was a dick. All the guys he worked with hated him so when the job was finished, they sealed him down there, and he continues to lurk down there, plotting his revenge, with the pee and the rats and the single shoes and the monsters and not Pennywise.

This one is total speculation on my part but you can see how that could totally happen.

Clark Brooks

About Clark Brooks

Senior Supreme Executive Premium Content Editor for Tampa News Force. Comedian, writer and ordained minister. Twitter: @ClarkBrooks | Instagram:@ClarkBrooks54