Which Race Has The Tastiest Breast Milk

I work at a standing desk. I stood up to write this. And I’m not going to tell you what time of day I’m writing this, because honestly, it would terrify you.

But earlier in the night I laying down listening to a podcast, and the thought of this headline popped into my head and it had me howling by myself like a monster, cackling with utter joy so I knew I needed to write it. So now without further adieu, I present to you, the races with the tastiest breast milk:

Cambodian

Is Cambodian a race? I’m not sure what’s classified as a race. Is it an ethnicity? I feel like anything is whatever you want it to be right now as long as you want to stand up for it. Anyways, Cambodian’s have very good tasting breastmilk according to this study that’s right behind you. No the other way. Ah you just missed it, that’s on you. But I saw it, and it rated Cambodian breast milk very high on the “taste scale.”

White

Come on, who doesn’t enjoy white people’s breast milk. What’s next, you don’t support the troops? White people (and I say “people,” because limiting breast milk to just females would not be inclusive), have some grade A breast milk. Baseball, apple pie, white breast milk. As American and wholesome as it gets. Very taste-a-licious if I do say so myself. Yea, I’m fine with that paragraph, I stand by it, good luck arguing with me about it.

Other

Other races breastmilk is also tasty. You can’t expect me to write any more than this really. The headline was the main course, this is all semantics at this point. “The devil in the details” as they say.

This applies to that. 

And by “this” I mean this, and by “that” I mean that, to risk of over-explaining myself.

That last sentence might not be correct either. You know, remember when I told you I’m writing this at an hour of the day that would be worrisome? Just let that be the excuse for those last sentences. 

I can’t believe people $5 for this newspaper at newspaper stands around the country. If I was in line for my flight to Topeka, Kansas, and I happened to stumble upon this article, You know, I just might have the right mind to go ask for my money back. 

Just kidding, this is a great deal. You won’t find this kind of entertainment anywhere else on earth.

And some might say, “yea, with good reason,”  and to those people I say, “you’re lucky I can’t see you.” Because I would definitely say something to you, if you said that to me.

And by “that,” I mean that.