Tampa boot enthusiast annoyed by unseasonably warm weather

Valerie Brun, who lives in the VM Ybor neighborhood of Tampa, is severely aggravated that the weather is hampering her annual enjoyment of her favorite footwear: cute boots.

“This is ridiculous,” she said in an exasperated manner, gesturing to all of the outdoors. “It’s supposed to be Christmas time and it’s 85 degrees out. That’s just stupid.”

“Granted, I live in Florida because I prefer temperatures closer to 70 than 30,” she said. “But that doesn’t mean I like it to be closer to 90 than 70.”

“Sure, I suppose I could still wear my boots but nobody else is wearing theirs and I don’t want to look like some kind of freak,” she lamented.

When asked why she feels so strongly about boots, she said, “They’re fun and they’re stylish. I just like them, that’s all. No, I love them! I love my boots more than I love my children. I don’t have children, but I do have boots, so there you go. Also, I hate regular shoes and socks, I only wear flip-flops or boots and now I only have one option. It’s not fair.”

I looked at her quizzically and she sighed, rolled her eyes and explained, “Regular shoes and socks make my feet claustrophobic. So really, this is discrimination against me and a medical condition that I suffer from. Who can I sue?”

I consulted a doctor and asked if foot claustrophobia was a real thing and she said, “Yes, because of boot season. But also because these days, everything is a medical condition. Or nothing is. I don’t know anymore. I hate being a doctor, but I do love wearing boots and this weather sucks for that.”