Jeter mansion to be demolished, replaced by low-cost housing

The famous Davis Islands mansion that once belonged to Yankees Hall of Famer Derek Jeter, and has served as a residence to Tom Brady, Antonio Brown, Beyoncé and Jay Z among others, is slated to be demolished so that several affordable homes can be built on the property.

“You know what? The cost of housing in Tampa is ridiculous and I’m sick of it,” said the property’s current owner Rusty Skeengraft. “I own this place now and I can do whatever I want with it and what I want to do is rip it down and put up some houses people can actually afford to live in.”

However, in the time-honored tradition of rich people unwilling to do something nice for poor people without some sort of self-satisfactory and/or vindictive amusement attached, there is one caveat: residency will be strictly restricted to people who face the most arduous hardships.

“I’m only going to lease to elderly, single, blind Black women who have at least three children”, he said. “Let’s bring some real diversity to the area.”

“Let the neighbors suck on that.”