You might at first glance think that Tampa is a larger city than New York. But when you take a closer look, the facts and numbers show differently.
“We’re clearly much bigger” said Jeena Tampa, Queen on Tampa.
“You’re actually not.” Said the facts and the numbers.
Tampa covers 437,000 square miles of land. But it’s only considered home to 7-and-a-half million people.
New York City, on the other hand, covers 16,000 square miles of land. But it houses 99 million people.
“That’s a big difference.” Nodded Kent Ucky.
Ucky is the analyst at Tampa News Force.
He did the math.
New York is much bigger regardless of what common sense might tell you.
Your instincts are wrong. Tampa is not bigger than New York.
Nobody thought that in the first place anyway actually, the guy who handed me this story made it all up.
He was trying to get away for the weekend to cheat on his wife so he told me I needed to write this story and say it was him. But guess what? No.
I want the credit.
I deserve it for writing the gock-ramblin’ story. It was all my work in the first place, anyhow.
He’s not going to be happy with the fact that I spilled his beans out there like that.
But you know what.
Hold on, my boss is coming in I need to make it look like I’m writing about the article headline or I’m going to be written up.
New York, Tampa, big, New York, larger, numbers, graphics, city. City! Cities! Big, small, city! Cities!
Ok he’s gone, he looked at the screen then gave me a nod and a wink I think he was happy with my story, he’ll never bother reading the full thing.
People write to him and tell him things.
True story: Tampa News Force did a live show at a comedy theater one time, and days later we got an email from the club GM claiming a woman emailed the club because she was offended by a “long sketch about knife-raping” and said that “for 10 minutes” we had done some sort of sketch about knife-rape.
Anyways, I showed the gm, that there was no knife rape, but actually a sketch where rape was mentioned, and the guy happen to be holding a knife. He didn’t say he was going to “knife-rape” anybody.
The GM did not respond, to my response email, where I had cited where in the video presentation the confusion must have occurred.
I do not believe the GM skimmed through the 40-minute video presentation to minute 16, where the failure of perception most-likely took place.
Anyways, New York, mathematically turns out to be bigger than Tampa, so when we told you to “always bet on Tampa being the biggest” back in issue #409, that does not legally hold any merit to sue us for misleading or misinformation or whatever, because we meant it metaphorically, not literally, we meant, feeling-wise, so it’s not our fault if you made that bet.
Also, if it turns out that people who work for and with Tampa News Force were the ones setting up the betting against Tampa being the biggest, and accepting bets and money, I don’t know what that is, all I’ve heard is what my manager says, and he’s really low on the totem pole anyway, I’m pretty sure I could have his job with my eyes closed, if you know what I mean.
If I tried for 1 day I could easily be just as good as my manager. But I choose not to. Because I don’t care, and I have the attitude that I have and I don’t particularly want to change, because I enjoy it. It’s fun. Fun! Yay! Yes! Nice! I love it! We love it!
Seriously though, we do love it, and yada yada yada, New York City something.