DeSantis invents new verb

Still somehow in a presidential race with increasingly few straws to grasp at, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis attempted to rebrand the word “trans” as a verb during a debate last week with fellow lost cause former South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley.

“Am I willing to concede that it’s not possible for anyone to be ‘turned gay’ in spite of mountains of scientific evidence from multiple sources that make that exact, explicit and conclusive point? Nope”, he muttered to himself while leaving the Debatatorium at Drake University in Des Moines, Iowa. “Not with Disney out here trans-ing the kids.”

“You know, trans-ing”, he said to befuddled bystanders who had also missed the elevator and had to stand there and listen to him while they waited for the next one. “To trans someone; to make little boys want to put on dresses via messages hidden in cartoons and whatnot. Trans-ing!”

”Hey, if they can identify stuff anyway they want, so can I.”

“It’s how you make homosexuals, duh”, he added unnecessarily, with the ‘duh’ part conveying an unintended level of irony.

Haley and DeSantis are not scheduled to “debate” again, another word that’s been repurposed and is now a noun that means “a fight between two people over table scraps at a dinner party to which neither was invited.”