As approval rating drops, DeSantis reluctant to call out faithful but flatulent supporters

As the drastic increase in COVID-19 cases surges throughout the state of Florida, polls indicate that the popularity of Governor Ron DeSantis is dropping across the board among registered voters of all political persuasions, with his net approval rating (the share of voters who approve of his job performance minus the share who disapprove) falling 14 percentage points since July.

As a result, he is especially hesitant to criticize those who continue to support him.

“I can’t afford to look weak or like a hypocrite but I swear to God I wish I could put on an N-95 mask at some of these functions”, said the Governor. “Because my supporters are great but they stink. For real.”

DeSantis was at the JW Marriott Tampa Water Street in Tampa this morning to attend a scrambled eggs, feta cheese, asparagus, beans and cabbage breakfast fundraiser in his honor, presented by the Partners in Florida Fructose Trust (PFFT).

“I sincerely appreciate these fine people and their unwavering support for me and my policies, but I’m glad today’s event was held in a non-smoking venue, that’s for sure”, he said. “As it is, I’m pretty sure at least four people’s colons exploded right in front of me.”

“Wonderful patriotic colons”, he added quickly.

The precipitous drop in approval has to be seen as alarming for those who expect DeSantis to be a presidential GOP frontrunner in 2024. For that reason, the governor is treading lightly and choosing his words carefully so as not to offend his staunch backers emanating an offensive stench from their backsides.

“It’s extremely important that during this unprecedented and extremely trying time, that people who remain standing behind me metaphorically know how much I appreciate them, as well as the fact that I appreciate not standing behind them literally“, he said. “It’s more difficult than people realize to keep a smile on your face when shaking hands with some wealthy benefactor when you can hear their gut gurgling, knowing they’re loading one into the chamber, preparing to crop-dust an entire hotel ballroom, and knowing there are 30 or 40 more of them standing in line”, he said, grimacing. “But I love ’em. I really, really do.”

“These events are just wonderful, though. Such a great opportunity to meet and greet the citizens of our fine state, even if they smell like a tire fire that someone tried to extinguish by spraying baby shit on it.”