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Bay Area man heart broken by Hurricane Idalia just blowing him and leaving

Blow N Go

“Now I know why they call it a tropical depression” sobbed James Higgendore of St. Petersburg. “I never thought I’d be over so fast. She damaged my roof and my heart.” James’ neighbors Rick and Janet Uplend don’t understand why he’s so upset.

“It’s not like a disaster like that is who you settle down with.” Rick told reporters. “He should have seen she wasn’t going to stay in one place. I think he just loved her for the thrill of not knowing how much of his shit she’d break. “ 

“He was just getting over how much Katrina did to him and now this.” Janet added. “I can’t remember when there wasn’t a rainy day that went by that he wasn’t crying and masturbating on his porch thinking about her. Sad, really. And weird, if you think about it.” 

Even after ten minutes of our reporter trying to console him, James continued to cry out in sadness. “I heard she’s in Georgia showing everyone how wet she can get, but I loved her for her kind, gentle eye!” 

“She might have just been a little category 3 when she hit land, but she was always a 10 in my heart!” 

When asked if he thought he could ever consider dating again, James wiped some of the tears away and said “Well, they say there’s other fish in the sea, so I hope my special someone is stirring those fish into a frenzy in the gulf. When love hits you, sometimes it’s with 90 mile an hour winds. So you have to just hold on and hope you have good insurance.” 

You can follow James on Instagram @ChubbyStormChaser

Mike Murray

About Mike Murray

Mike Murray is a writer, comedian, musician, and voice actor. He is able to form strong opinions with little to no information about many subjects. Follow him on Instagram or TikTok @mykmyrrhee