Best Parts About Living in Florida
Florida is where WOKE goes to die, and real Americans experience authentic patriotic living. So today, we’re going to share the best parts about living in Florida.
Making Love
The finest people in the world all live in Florida, and we all desire one thing, the act of lovemaking. No matter what spectrum you’re part of, no matter your gender, Florida is where people come to make love.
Smoking Weed
If you ever drive by a farm with massive covered greenhouses, they are either growing tomatoes or the best weed you will ever smoke. It’s illegal now without a medical card, but pretty soon, we’re all going to be smoking weed legally and enjoying the sunshine.
Drinking Tequila
Florida and Tequila go together like milk and cereal. You can use milk to make as an ingredient for other things or have it on its own. Dry cereal is a great travel snack even without milk. In this scenario, Florida is the milk, because it’s mostly white unless you mix some stuff into it. Tequila is like cereal because it’s a time-specific activity. Eating cereal for dinner is the same as drinking tequila in the morning. And you can eat cereal anywhere, sometimes people won’t even notice. They will just ask, are you eating cereal right now? And then you tell them to shut up and mind their own business.
Watching Spiderman Movies
Disney+ finally added all the original Spiderman movies, which are arguably better than the newer films. There is no point in paying for any other streaming service when you live in Florida. Most people won’t tell you this, but moving to Florida requires a Disney+ membership and you are only allowed to watch one thing on repeat unless you write a physical letter and send it to the Magic Kingdom for consideration. Personally, I’m good with my selection.
Playing Zelda
I’m gonna be honest, I haven’t left my house in weeks. It’s getting hot outside, I live in a foam cave attached to my parent’s home, they pay for my air conditioning and internet. Whenever I’m hungry, I Instacart a few boxes of Totinos Pizza Rolls and wash it all down with some Faygo. I make the Instacart person go to two separate stores to buy me these very specific things or I won’t eat that day. All I do is play Zelda on my Nintendo Switch, and it’s the best part about living in Florida.
