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Top 6 Reasons to Move to Florida

This is your sign to move to Florida!

With an estimated 1,000 people moving to Florida every day, now is the best time to move on down to the Sunshine State. From the wild Florida panther, to the beautiful dolphins and drunk pirates, these are the reasons everyone wants to live in America’s Freedom Capitol.

Permitless Carry 

Are you tired of liberals telling you to take gun safety classes and apply for a concealed carry license? Well here in Florida the second amendment is alive and well and it will never be infringed by the woke mob!

Six-Week Abortion Ban

Liberals want to kill babies up to 30 days after they are born, and in Florida, we’re putting a stop to that. Florida is where the DEMONcrat left can’t treat pregnancy like a return policy at Walmart. And good luck walking into an abortion when you have to strut past 100 people who have nothing better to do than stand outside the clinic harassing everyone about something that has nothing to do with them.  

Trans and Gays are Banned

Is the LGBTQ+ agenda driving you insane? Why is every character on TV now gay? What happened to all the straight white people and the situations that they go through? Well now that Disney has succumbed to the mighty will of the Great Governor Ron DeSantis, we will keep straight pride alive. Children will no longer be able to become gay because they won’t have any idea what it is. And if the children get any ideas they will be sent to a special camp where it will be prayed out of them.

Education is Effectively Privatized

Antifa is infiltrating public schools and teaching kids how to be gay, have abortions, and die at the hands of bad guys with a gun. Why would the government pay to improve a system that wants your child to read a book? Thanks to school choice, children in Florida have the privileged of attending taxpayer-funded private corporations that comply with Don’t Say Gay laws and only have libraries full of Bibles. 

Chinese Landowners are Banned

Do you remember when America was great, and we put all the Japanese people in camps? Well, this is the closest we can get to that legally!

Nothing is Walkable and Everything is Expensive

Florida makes having a vehicle a necessity. Soon, nearly every square inch of Florida will be paved and ready to be parked on. Everything that once was beautiful nature will now be Publix. Every road is a Chick-fil-A drive-thru lane. All the local radio stations broadcast megachurch sermons 24/7. No income taxes. State Sales tax is 6%. The Minimum wage is scheduled to increase to $12.00 on September 30, 2023. The average rent is $2,000 for a one-bedroom apartment. Food, gas, necessities, partying, the cost of living keep increasing. Now is the time to live in Florida. Sitting in traffic, waiting for the storm to wash us away.

Josh Santos

About Josh Santos

Writer and award-winning videographer and documentarian. Instagram: @HashtagSantos