Car thief attempts to elude cops by hiding in wood chipper

Clayton Plateler of Tampa has been arrested after his attempt to hide from Tampa Police Department officers in a wood chipper failed miserably.

Police were called to the Mayflower Motel on North Florida Avenue where Plateler had been spotted breaking car windows and stealing radios. When officers arrived on scene, he tried to escape by hiding in a nearby Pete & Ron’s Tree Service wood chipper, perhaps thinking the machine wasn’t on at the time, in spite of the loud noise and the ground-up tree parts being spit out of the other end.

“That’s stupid. Of course I knew it was on. I could have hidden somewhere else, but I figured the cops would never look inside a wood chipper,” he said. “And I was right.”

In fact, police did not look inside but heard screaming and found Plateler, somehow still alive but all minced up as a puddle of guts and teeth in the back of the Pete & Ron’s truck towing the wood chipper.

“I’ve always been pretty tough. Even as a little kid, I could take a punch. Just ask my dad,” said Plateler. “Now I guess I’m pulp, no fiction!”

A spokesperson for Pete & Ron’s, probably either Pete or Ron, said, “We’re always very focused on safety and we never want anyone crawling into one of our wood chippers for any reason. Fortunately, we can rely on most people having the common sense to not do that. However, since it did happen this time, we’re glad at least it was some scummy car thief. We fully support the Tampa Police Department and were happy to be of assistance in bringing this individual to gooey, dismembered justice.”

Plateler pled guilty to the charges of breaking and entering and petty theft and is expected to be sentenced to community service as mulch at the Robles Park Village apartment complex.