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Mayor Castor Vows to Accomplish Nothing for Four More Years

Castor Pool

Tampa’s Mayor celebrated her upcoming victory in the 2023 municipal elections during a dinner this weekend where she touted her lack of accomplishments to a crowd of supporters. “For the last four years, Tampa has become more expensive, crowded and impossible to get around,” said Mayor Castor to the three people in attendance.  “I just…

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Tampa News Force 2023 Guide to Tampa’s Municipal Election

2023 Municipal Election

Tuesday, March 7, 2023 is Tampa’s Municipal Election. This election will secure jobs for City Council members and the Mayor, as well as provide residents a chance to vote on amendments to Tampa’s Charter which means something, I guess. Only 20% of eligible voters participated in the previous 2019 municipal election, so if you don’t…

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DeSantis has new favorite comic strip

Gov Dilbert

Florida governor Ron DeSantis recently discovered the syndicated comic strip ‘Dilbert’, and it has immediately become his favorite. “It’s just so funny! Look at him, with his tie flipping upward. Whose tie does that? Not mine, that’s for sure. Dilbert’s, that’s who! Ha ha ha!” he said, reiterating that he thinks the strip is funny.…

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DeSantis marked safe from February

Top Florida State security officials have confirmed that Governor Ron DeSantis has survived the month of February, also known as “Black History Month”, unscathed. “There are still a few hours left, but we’re pretty sure he’ll make it,” said Florida State Police spokesperson Lou Scannon. “The odds of him being exposed to any references to…

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“Open corruption” initiative takes effect in government


A new initiative amongst the entire government encouraging its employees to be “open and honest about corruption” has officially gone underway. “All politicians on every level are now required to be honest about the dishonest things they do in penalty of being fired.” Said Debrah Demoykins, speaker of the Government Regulations Organization, a group I…

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Agency you’ve probably never heard of that never did anything calls it quits


The Tampa Bay Area Regional Transit Authority (TBARTA), the transit authority that oversees regional transportation needs in Hernando, Hillsborough, Manatee, Pasco and Pinellas counties has voted unanimously to dissolve the organization. “Fuck it,” said TBARTA Chairman Cliff Manuel Jr. “We out.” The agency, started by the state in 2007 but not having received funding from…

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DeSantis bans February


Florida Governor Ron DeSantis announced early this morning that effective immediately the month of February is illegal throughout the state. “The month of January will now be 45 days long and will be known as Janmaxuary and March will also be 45 days and shall be referred to as MarchUltra,” the Governor declared. “All the…

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Fugitive who destroyed US currency apprehended in Clearwater

Brad Rimshaw, 42 of Clearwater, a man who committed a federal crime 34 years ago surrendered peacefully to authorities yesterday. “Okay, okay, you got me! Don’t shoot! I am not resisting arrest. I repeat, I AM NOT RESISTING ARREST!” he shouted to Clearwater Police officers Edward Wambaugh and Joseph Conlon who were in the process…

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Mayor Castor Look-A-Like Contest Winner Wins Chief of Police Job

New Chief

After the resignation of the most recent Chief of Police for the Tampa Police Department, Mayor Jane Castor has announced that the winner of a recent Look-a-like contest will be awarded the title of Chief of Police for the TPD. “I’m just a good boy,” said Lenna Delanada and a playful baby voice. Delanada is…

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