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Florida Women to Legally Be Considered Property

As part of Florida’s 6-week abortion ban, women with Florida citizenship will now be classified as property.

“Under this new law, when a child is born female, parents will receive a deed instead of a birth certificate,” said Florida Governor Ron DeSantis. “This is to ensure that women know they are only good for reproducing and nothing else.”

Parents of female children will be required to carry insurance based on the child’s value. The child’s value will be determined with a mandatory yearly value assessment.

“This is the only way to make sure we don’t raise a generation of radical woke feminists,” said DeSantis. “The main problem with feminism is that women think they have value, but as long as I am governor, women will only be as valuable as long as they can produce children.”

As part of the program, parents will be allowed to buy and sell girls starting at the age of 12, or when they first get their period, whichever comes first. Once the child is ready for the marketplace, a doctor will conduct a vigorous physical examination and assign a monetary value before an auction.

Critics of the law call it unconstitutional, but they have decided there is not much they can do about it.

“The Florida government can do anything they want, it doesn’t matter what we say or vote for,” said Luby Teetime, a radical woke feminist. “We’ve tried warning people that this was coming, but no one seems to care.”

Josh Santos

About Josh Santos

Writer and award-winning videographer and documentarian. Instagram: @HashtagSantos

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