Chamberlain High School announces new mascot

After a 5-1 vote by the Hillsborough County School Board back in June to drop the “Chiefs” mascot from Chamberlain High School in response to a request from the Title VI Native American Parent Advisory Council, a new name and logo has been chosen; from now they’ll be known as the “Storm”.

To the surprise of absolutely no one, people who were mad about the decision in June are just as mad now, if not more so.

“Oh come on,” said Cliff Kleets, c/o 1960, who has taken an active interest in the matter, in spite of not setting foot on the school’s campus since graduating. “Come! ON!”

“First of all, talk about offensive. This is Florida, where storms have murdered far more innocent people than Indian Chiefs ever had,” he continued. “That’s why they wanted to change the name, right? Because Indians are bloodthirsty, murderous savages? No? Okay, never mind.”

“Secondly, Tampa already has a sports team called the Storm. Hello, arena football, anyone? World Champion Tampa Bay Storm!”

When informed the Tampa Bay Storm ceased operations in December of 2017, he responded, “Oh.”

“All right then, what about my favorite book, ‘Before the Storm‘ by Diane Chamberlain?” he said. “Doesn’t she have a case to sue the school for ripping off her book title and her last name? I would certainly think so!”

“Besides, it’s a school; the last thing we need is to be associated with more books.”

Kleets insist he’s not resistant to progress in matters of social awareness and the proper acknowledgement of indigenous people’s culture.

“I just want things to stay exactly the same as when I was a kid,” he said. “That doesn’t make me a racist.”

Nobody said you were a racist, Mr. Kleets.

“Oh, shut up and leave me alone.”