Checkers rolls out pumpkin spice lard

As summer comes to an end, more seasonal dining options are being presented, including the especially delightful annual tradition of Checkers cooking all their menu items with their award-winning pumpkin spice lard.

“Yes, once again autumn is upon us and people crave the traditional celebratory elements of the season”, said Checkers spokesperson Cheryl Mundegard. “Hay rides, corn mazes, trick or treats and greasy meat treats destroyed by being fried in an unctuous tallow with notes of cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, and clove or allspice!”

Starting this Friday, all of Checkers menu items will be prepared in pumpkin spice lard.

“Burgers, chicken and fish sandwiches, chili dogs, boneless wings and of course, our world famous fries! All pumpkin spiced!”, she said. “Wash everything down with a pumpkin spice fried apple cider milkshake and your heart will explode with happiness. And cholesterol. But pumpkin spice cholesterol!”

We were given a chance to sample these items and can tell you that they all taste like the bile you taste just before you actually vomit. That’s always what Checkers tastes like, but this was more pumpkin-y. So if you think that you might enjoy that, you’ll want to rush out to your nearest Checkers starting Friday!