Clearwater seagull notches remarkable achievement

Constance Christian, a tourist from Michigan visiting Clearwater Beach, was a participant in an incredible occurrence; a seagull pooped directly into her mouth.

“Hanging out every day at the beach, I’ve had plenty of opportunities to poop on lots of people over the years,” said the seagull. “Shoulders, heads, even a guy’s face once. But never right in the mouth! She was yawning or something, and her yapper was wide open. I saw the target, swooped down and took my shot. I looked back and saw I had scored a direct hit. Boom!”

“Every time you poop while flying, you always hope it ends up in a person’s mouth and not wasted on some dumb car windshield but you don’t ever expect it to happen. This is kind of the seagull version of getting a hole-in-one. Literally.”

“As great an individual accomplishment as this is for me, I have to share the credit with Ms. Christian,” the seagull continued. “This doesn’t happen if her mouth is closed.”

Reached for comment, Ms. Christian horked a couple of times before vomiting explosively.

“I had been eating rotting fish and discarded hot dog buns all morning,” said the seagull. “So yeah, she got a full, fresh, hot batch.”