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Cop loses virginity during traffic stop

Edgar Al, a tampa policeman who broke the record for “Florida’s youngest cop” being only 18 years old, lost his virginity to a transexual wolf-person during a routine traffic stop, after the Al slipped while walking to the wolf-persons car and fell ass-first onto the wolf-persons penis.

“I’m so embarrassed.” Said officer Al.

“I don’t get to eat lunch in the mess hall for 3 weeks because of the incident.” Al sheepishly murmured into my tape recorder during our interview.

The transexual wolf-person is not pressing charges for sexual assault because, “they liked it.”

Al’s wife is not happy at all about what happened.

“I know he’s only 18 and I’m 99, but we’re in love, and I was waiting to take his virginity on our 3 year anniversary, so now I’m really tooted about not getting to enjoy his bulbous blood-engorged meat for the fist time. Now it’s tainted by wolf-person.” Sadly shared Al’s wife, Deborah Debonzo, or “Double D” as she’s so affectionally known.

“As chief of police I have to say that I am disappointed.” Said the chief of police whose name I forgot to write down.

“But also, I do have to say, I am proud any time one of my officers gets some action while on the job.” Laughed the chief, ribbing me with his elbow.

“We love hooking up with people we threaten to arrest! It’s our favorite! We usually film it and share the taps on a Google drive we have that spans across multiple Florida counties!” Bragged the police chief.

Footage of the incident happened to be recorded by Al’s body cam and is making its way around the internet. CNN featured it on their 6 O’clock news broadcast.

“Alright enough of the wolf story!” Shouted my news editor in the back of the room while I was writing the story.

“It stinks! It stinks to high heavens! I’m fucking over your garbage sensational drivel!” Shouted my cod-blasted editor.

“Everybody out of the room! Everyone out!” Then my editor took a running start and smashed through the window on the 38th floor of our building plummeting to his untimely death.

Weird how these things happen sometimes. He had worked here for 60 years and had never had any mental issues. So this is very sudden and jarring for all of us.

But hey, at least I don’t have an editor yelling at me now! Yay! Now we’re responsible for uploading and editing all of our articles until the interim editor shows up. I know nothing about them. But I’ve heard that they are half wolf. Wait… You don’t think it could be the same wolf-person that took Al’s virginity do you? That would be so crazy! 

But how many wolf-people do you know? There can’t be that many in Tampa. Or maybe there are, I don’t know. I barely know anything at all. That much I do know. That I know nothing. And I will, most likely, not learn anything new in the future, as I only like doing things I like to do, so that’s that, and that’s just the way it is. Take it or leave it. Big boy. Big old rock dog. Who’s a little rock dog? You are. Yes you are! My sweet tiny little rock dog. Goodnight sweets!

John Jacobs

About John Jacobs

MTV Reality TV Star and Award-Winning Tampa News Force Correspondent. Subscribe to YouTube Channel, Follow on Twitter: @MaybachDiamonds Instagram: @MaybachDiamonds