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Taylor Swift eats out Travis Kelce’s ass after Super Bowl win

“Mmm I think I like it!” Giggled Taylor Swift on her Instagram story, after performing analingus on her boyfriend, Travis Kelce of the Super Bowl-winning Kansas City Chiefs.

“Yea, you know, he did real good so I wanted to get a little taste of his ‘tight end’ if you know what I mean” Swift said in a caption under a picture of her and Kelce smoking a hookah inside of a gas station casino room.

Fans are reacting hysterically after Swift’s actions.

“I’m going to eat ass now too!” Tweeted Harley Bravado, a barely-legal age girl from Massapequa.

“I never even thought of doing that before because it seems kind of gross, but if my idol does it, I want to do it too!” Said Krenneth Zilch during a town hall meeting open to the public of Lower Peru.

The trend is sweeping the world now of women eating out their partner’s behinds, due to Taylor Swift sharing about it.

“I also want to own a private jet and fly it all over the place, even if it’s not far away!” Said Zentley Raisin, a former environmentalist who has changed her tune after learning just how many fossil fuels Swift has been burning over the last few years.

Swift followed up her instagram story by uploading a video to her OnlyFans of her actually performing the act on Kelce which then went viral on the dark web.

“Wow, that’s so brave of her! What a pioneer!” Said some other made up idiot who chipped in to this article.

Alright, the end. The joke was she ate his ass and that’s funny. If you don’t think it’s funny you’re wrong. We can go to comedy court and I will out-argue you, and it will be considered legally funny, so don’t even try to fight me on this one.

Actually you know, let’s do it, let’s run a hypothetical of what comedy court would go like if you chose to take me there:

“All rise for the honorable judge Bobby Comedy who will now be hearing the case of the haters vs. John Jacobs Taylor Swift article.”

“It appears that people are challenging you on your Taylor Swift article saying it is not funny. What do you have to say for yourself?”

First off, I would like to ask why is it not funny?

“They claim it’s not funny because you’re imagining America’s wholesome sweetheart, eating the ass of her NFL-playing boyfriend, and that’s a grotesque and inappropriate image.”

Ok, first off, that’s an opinion that’s it’s inappropriate and grotesque, I believe in sexual liberation and that people should do whatever they want with whoever they want and there’s no shame in that.

Second, the humor lies in the idea of someone so beloved performing such a stereotypically filthy sex act to her man, especially because it’s such an intimate and taboo thing. It’s funny to imagine someone with such a clean and wholesome record doing something gross because of the juxtaposition and contrast. Easy. Case closed. It’s hilarious. You can’t argue with the mechanics of the comedy here.

If you think you can, please I beg you to explain to me why it’s not funny.

And you’ll go, “Psh, I’m not going to bother doing that, you’re not worth my time.”

Perfect, I win. And I am worth your time by the way, you have nothing better to do. You’re reading this. I am your time. I win, over and over again and there’s nothing you can do about it. You’re reading my voice and I have no idea who you are.

Also, as a disclaimer, I’m just kidding, I don’t care, I have no feelings about anyone involved in this writing, I’m just putting words together for the sake of putting words together. It’s fun to write about things people are emotional about.

That’s all.

John Jacobs

About John Jacobs

MTV Reality TV Star and Award-Winning Tampa News Force Correspondent. Subscribe to YouTube Channel, Follow on Twitter: @MaybachDiamonds Instagram: @MaybachDiamonds