DeSantis Bans Juneteenth Due to Numerical Validity

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis has banned the Juneteenth Freedom Day holiday on the basis that “Juneteenth” is not a real number.

“We conducted research for nearly two years and have proven beyond any doubt that you can go through the whole alphabet front and back and not find a number Juneteen”, said Milo  Flinger, a spokesperson for the Florida Governor’s Office of Math.

The word “Juneteenth” is a Black English contraction, or portmanteau, of the month “June” and the date “Nineteenth.” Juneteenth celebrates the date of June 19, 1865, when enslaved people of African descent located in Galveston, Texas, finally learned of their freedom from the slavery system in the United States.

“So yeah, it’s a made-up number, like I just said,” said Flinger, as though his point had been validated. “Everybody talks about wanting historical accuracy representation in education but now because it suits The Wokes, we’re supposed to just accept this fiction as factual? Typical lib hypocrisy.”