Skip to content

DeSantis ends presidential bid that ended months ago

Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis suspended his Republican presidential campaign Sunday just before the New Hampshire primary and endorsed Donald Trump, ending a White House bid that everybody else in the world knew was over a long time ago. 

“It’s clear to me that I’m Donald Trump’s bitch and I had zero chance to beat him at anything. Why didn’t anybody say something? Oh you did? Repeatedly? I guess I missed that somehow,” he said in a video posted on X, formerly known as Twitter. “I’m not happy about it but it is what it is. Whatever. At least now, I don’t have to go to New Hampshire, better known as ‘More Boring Iowa’.”

“But guess what, Blacks and Homos and both back in Florida? You’re stuck with me for the next three years and now I can say and do whatever I want. Ha ha ha ha!”, he added unnecessarily evilly. 

“Nikki Haley is a bitch and Donald Trump is… well, Donald Trump is great. Please like me again, Mr. Trump.”