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DeSantis proposes re-animated corpse of Anita Bryant as replacement for Mickey Mouse

Anita Bryant

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis is proposing a possible compromise in the ongoing strained relationship between his office and The Walt Disney Company.

“Maybe there’s room for a quid pro quo,” he said. “Maybe if they do something, I’ll do something.”

What he’s suggesting is that the entertainment conglomerate that operates Walt Disney World, arguably the state’s single biggest tourist attraction, replace Mickey Mouse, their most recognizable character, with Anita Bryant, the late American singer who later became famous for her anti-Civil Rights, Gay Rights, Women’s Rights, environmental activism, “rebellious anti-American” youth and counter culture activism and basically being the first high-profile homophobe.

“And I don’t mean one of your animatronic robots or CGI,” DeSantis said. ”We’re not falling for your skullduggery or bamboozlement this time.”

He continued, “When you put a respected entertainer and morally unimpeachable icon out there as your figurehead like the late, great Anita Bryant, someone who competed in beauty pageants from the time she was in kindergarten, decked out in full adult makeup and hairstyles and skimpy outfits, then I’ll know you’re serious about not sexually grooming children.”

DeSantis continued praising Bryant. “Here was someone who got support from icons like Jerry Falwell, Jim Bakker, Jimmy Swaggart, Pat Robertson and Senator Jesse Helms and truly owned prominent libs such as Barry Goldwater, Ronald Reagan, Gerald Ford, Bob Dole and George Bush.”

“She even packed 2,000 people into the Orange Bowl for her ‘Rally for Decency’ in 1977,” he said. “Now that’s a star! I’d like to see Freddie Mercury or Bono try to put up numbers like that for some sort of cause.”

“I never imagined a woman could be a hero, but I guess she is to me,” he said, holding back tears. ”Rest In Peace with your soul but let us use your dead body to teach these weirdos who worship a rodent a lesson.”

“Ball’s in your court, Disney. Dig Anita Bryant up, hook her up to some car batteries or whatever you have to do. I want the real thing, Walking Dead style. Imagineer it and make it happen,” he said. “Then maybe… maybe… we’ll sit down and talk about adjusting or repealing this legislation I just signed that won’t cost you a nickel but will probably result in a 20% to 25% increase in property taxes for Orange County and Osceola County residents.”

Reached for comment, Anita Bryant said, “I’m not dead.”

Clark Brooks

About Clark Brooks

Senior Supreme Executive Premium Content Editor for Tampa News Force. Comedian, writer and ordained minister. Twitter: @ClarkBrooks | Instagram:@ClarkBrooks54