Drunkards excited about beating the shit out of each other in person for the first time since 2019

A group of South Tampa residents who only get drunk and into bar brawls on St. Patrick’s Day are eagerly anticipating resuming their favorite annual rite of passage tonight for the first time since COVID cancelled festivities in 2020.

“Hoo boy, it’s been a while! I hope I remember how to gouge someone’s eyes. I’ll bet I’m probably pretty rusty. Ha ha!” said Ron ‘Rusty’ Flellery. “I’m sure it’ll come back to me. It’s like riding a bike, I guess.”

Flellery plans to get to O’Stooligan’s Irish Taverna on South Howard Avenue at around 7p.m. and start pounding Guinness immediately upon arrival. “I’ll have started well before 7p.m., buddy,” he said. “I’m taking the day off from work!”

After that, he’ll connect with other rage enthusiasts and someone will say something stupid and a melee will break out, in which several people will attempt to seriously maim one another for reasons that won’t be clear and won’t matter.

“We tried doing this on Zoom the last couple of years but it just wasn’t the same,” said Flellery. “There’s just no substitute for the feeling of your fist decimating someone’s nose cartilage or your face making contact with the trunk of a TPD cruiser as your hands are zip-tied behind your back.”

“Happy St. Paddy’s Day!”