Energy harvested from un-reset microwave powers office building
Truist Place, formerly SunTrust Financial Centre, a skyscraper office building in downtown Tampa, has been completely rewired to draw power from a previously untapped source of alternate energy: the unused time from microwave ovens in company breakrooms.
“What happens is somebody will set the microwave for three minutes to heat up some soup or a slice of pizza or whatever. Then at 2:45, they get impatient, figure their food is hot enough and take it out,” explained building engineer Malcolm Frobel. “And almost every time, they don’t hit the reset button.”
“Oh my God, that so true!” said Tina Glattel, an employee of some business company on one of the building’s 36 floors. “I do that ALL. THE. TIME! because I don’t care about whoever uses it after I’ve re-heated my yogurt.”
“Well, that’s rude but thanks Tina! Because you are helping power this amazing facility we’re all so fortunate to work inside of,” said Frobel.
“Is that right? Explain how it works please,” she asked politely.
“Happy to! See, all that excess timed heating energy that previously had nowhere to go now has somewhere to go,” he explained. “We have these cyberkinetic storage pods that gather and contain all that unused energy, then we re-route it to keep the lights on and to power your computers and other shit! I’d invite you to come down to the storage area to check them out in person but they’re highly radioactive and just looking at them could cause your genitals to shut down. Ha ha!”
“Wow, that’s amazing,” Tina replied, amazed.
“Yes, yes it is,” Frobel agreed agreeably. “They work just like a nuclear reactor.”
“Um, but nuclear reactors don’t store energy,” interrupted some smartass USF student who doesn’t even work in Truist Place. “That’s not what they do at all.
“Shut up, nerd,” screamed Frobel. “How would you like me to render your genitals even more useless than they are now?”