ESPN officially makes White People Running Around In The Yard a sport
As baseball continues to drag through the longest, least eventful part of its season, TV networks are desperate for alternatives to the only major league sport taking place right now.
The cable channel recently sent a crew to broadcast a recent game of White People Running Around In The Yard held in Temple Terrace to a worldwide audience on a Sunday afternoon.
“Thank God football will be back in about a week,” said ESPN commentator Steve Puntkick. “Until then, I guess we’re covering this, whatever ‘this’ is.”
The game consists of two teams of white people who throw a ball at a mini-trampoline and then run around trying to either catch it or keep the other team from catching it for some reason. Teams can either be co-ed or not because nothing about the game seems to matter. Presumably, points are scored somehow. More than anything else, there’s a lot of running around. Sometimes people fall down which can be interesting.
After the game, one of the players, Dan Whitman said, “We did pretty good out there. We ran around. I caught the ball a few times. Sometimes I didn’t catch it. I also threw it. Mostly, I was running around. I fell down once or twice. But there was a lot of running around. Overall, I’m pretty happy with how we played. It’s a team effort and you just have to give your all, you know?” It’s unknown whether his team won or lost the game. He was sweaty and breathing hard, though.
“Yeah, I guess it’s entertaining but I don’t get it,” said Curtis McAfee, an African-American man from St. Petersburg, who considers himself pretty knowledgeable about all sports in general. “It just seems to be white people, running around out here in the yard. How is that a sport?”
“It’s actually pretty easy to understand if you really pay attention and pick up on the flow of it; see, there’s two teams and… well… they, um…” replied his white friend Andrew who was using hand gestures to illustrate his points, to which McAfee responded by glaring at him.
“Yeah, I honestly don’t get it either,” admitted Andrew.
