ESPN to launch yet another guy screaming hot takes at you show
ESPN, the once self-described “Worldwide Leader in Sports”, is launching yet another show consisting of a man yelling his opinions about the world of sports into a camera
“We were going to call it ‘Hot Balls’ or ‘The Crunch Zone’ or ‘Crunch Balls’ or something like that”, said ESPN regional producer Curtis Teebox. “But I’m not sure we don’t already have shows with those names. It’s kinda hard to keep track at this point.”
“We may not even title it at all. What’s the point? You already know what it is.”
The show will be produced and broadcast remotely from Tampa and stars Tampa’s Brad Fistmunch as the designated talking head. Fistmunch describes himself as a diehard Buccaneers, Lightning and Rays fan and is known to “BRING IT”, whatever that means.
“The show is gonna be intense, extreme and in-your-face”, said Fistmunch. “The way the utterly meaningless discussion of what should be nothing more than an enjoyable pastime should be!!”
“Continuing in the grand tradition of Jim Rome, Colin Cowherd, Stephen A. Smith, Skip Bayless and a hundred other guys whose names aren’t worth remembering, we’re excited to see Brad ‘BRING IT’ like none other, just like everybody else”, said Teebox. “This show will be a welcome addition to our niche block of programming that only occupies about 19 hours of our broadcast day.”
“With all the ugly, darkness in sports these days, with the Larry Nassar, Jon Gruden, Joel Quenneville and Henry Ruggs III situations among others, it’s important that we remain focused on our mission statement: To Suck The Last Remnants of Joy from Sports. All the Time.”