Five things to watch out for in Ybor
Now that it’s been determined that Ybor City is the most dangerous place on the planet, it’s more like a school or a movie theater or a shopping mall or a place of worship or a public roadway or a grocery store than an entertainment district.
Sure, some places are inherently more dangerous than others due to environment and inhabitants but that doesn’t seem to bear out statistically, does it? That’s why you need to be terrified of going ANYWHERE!
So with that in mind, here are the things you have to keep an eye on when you go to Ybor City (note: there are five things so you will need five eyes).
PEOPLE
You know what I mean when I say “people”, right? Yeah, you know: “people”. The ones walking around with legs and arms and heads, minding their business, eating food and trying to enjoy themselves. Talking to each other or not talking to anyone. What’s that all about? What are they up to? Ugh. “People”.
PLACES
You might think you’re going into a GOOD place but then because you’re an idiot, you end up in a BAD place by mistake. Hey, it happens; you’re stupid. Maybe you meant to stop in at The Castle for a flogging and instead you find yourself hooked up to an e-meter watching the director’s cut of “Battlefield Earth” (note: if that specific scenario happens to you, do NOT order a Mind Eraser).
THINGS
Ybor is a bustling hub of hubbub and there’s stuff all over the place. Don’t touch it! You don’t know what it is, who it belongs to, where it’s been or what it tastes like. All right, lick it once just so you know the answer to that last one but then put it back down.
MERCHANTS
Virtually every business operating in Ybor is independently owned. There was a corporate chicken wing place for a while but that’s gone now. Unbelievably, there is not one single Olive Garden anywhere on 7th Avenue! That means that all those businesses are owned and operated by people who are literally investing their lives to make a go of it. And they want your money! Oh sure, you’ll get stuff (food, drinks, merchandise) but not without exchanging your money for it. That’s how they get you!
GHOSTS
Everyone knows Ybor is haunted and that ghosts are literally everywhere. They roam around Ybor, completely unfettered, going anywhere they want, showing off their colorful plumage and eating little scraps of food off the sidewalk. Some people insist those are chickens, but would a chicken live in the most dangerous place on the entire planet?
