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Lizzo says she’s “ready for sex again”

Pussy-banana-lover, Lizzo, has emerged from the toils of her scandal to claim, she’s “ready for jizzim in her snizzum again.”

Ok, I’m sorry, I just can’t even try to write this, I don’t care how much you pay me, I just can’t do this. This is grotesque and absurd beyond my limit. Jizzim in my snizzum? Seriously? Who’s coming up with this horse shit.

I’ve seen better writing in my sleep.

People always see and do things in their sleep. 

They always claim that.

“I can do this in my sleep.”

That’s nice I guess.

Well I’m happy for you.

If that’s what you want for yourself.

If you want to do that activity in your sleep.

Wouldn’t it be nice to do productive stuff in your sleep?

I’m sorry I can’t get over Jizzim in your snizzum, I tried and I can’t.

That hurdle is just too tall for me, and probably for you too.

You can’t open a story with that phrase and expect people to show any respect to the rest of the writing.

Everything since that sentence is null and void. 

Washed out to the sea.

Absolute hogswaddle. 

Hogswaddle is not a real word.

But I thought I could pull a fast one on you.

You know, play into the diversion of jizzim in your snizzum. You know, false flag it with jizzim in your snizzum so I could get hogswaddle passed.

But I failed…

Against… Myself?

Who did I fail?

Who am I trying to trick?

Why am I trying to trick, or do, anything to anyone, in general?

What am I doing ever, and why?

Is there any motivation behind… Literally anything? What is motivation? Where’s that supposed to come from?

Struggle? Adversity?

Adversity sounds kind of like an advertising university.

Like learn to make ads or something, like Mad Men.

Anywhatsit’ the point is, there is no point, you make the point, are you sharp? Does it take sharpness to sharpen other stuff? Is sharpening just a never ending cycle? Is it bad to be dull? Dull tipped things are also needed as well as sharp things.

Everything is needed, good and bad, at all times. Delicate balance.

This article is needed. It was needed. It will be needed again. Cycles, like a pendulum, swaying too and fro.

Is that how you say “too and fro?”

Or is it “to and fro?” Is it even “fro?”

A fro? Afro? Huh? Is this my house or yours, I forget?

*This article is a paid advertisement for Alpha Block, genital vein enlargement pills. Are the veins on your genitals not bulbous enough? Get Alpha Block, the only genital vein enlargement pills that have not been seized by the FDA.*

(The views shared by Alpha Block, are not considered the views of Tampa News Force. We found out about their child labor camps after we had already signed a contract with them. The pills are good for genital vein growth though, that factor is not effected by their production means.)

John Jacobs

About John Jacobs

MTV Reality TV Star and Award-Winning Tampa News Force Correspondent. Subscribe to YouTube Channel, Follow on Twitter: @MaybachDiamonds Instagram: @MaybachDiamonds