Giuliani holds Ritz Carlton press conference in Tampa

President Donald Trump’s personal lawyer Rudolph Giuliani held a press conference outside the historic Ritz Theater in Ybor City this morning.

“I guess I’m supposed to talk about how we’re addressing the obvious incidents of fraud surrounding the election but as to why I’m doing that here in Tampa, I have no actual idea. I just go where the Tweets say,” said Giuliani. “This is Tampa, right? Wait, Ybor City? What the hell is happening right now?”

“Hey, don’t look at me. I don’t know what’s going on either”, said actor Alfonso Ribeiro who was on hand for some reason. “My agent told me I had a gig in Tampa this morning, so here I am.”

Giuliani, surrounded by Ribeiro and an assortment of unidentified hangers-on, mumbled some comments about pending lawsuits and called Saturday Night Live’s Kate McKinnon a bitch before being asked to move along. “Hey, come on. We have homeless people trying to sleep out here”, said a Ritz box office staff member. “Go bother someone else.”

The entourage then moved across 7th Avenue for lunch at New York New York Pizza. “Well, now I’m really confused”, said Giuliani.